It's been a long two months, months that I don't wish to repeat. Months that make me realize just how blessed my life has truly been. After losing our baby last month, last week my brother and sister-in-law lost there little boy Glenn David (at 36 weeks) and then on Sunday I lost my wonderful Grandma. I guess it's true that when it rains, it tends to pour.
Tomorrow will be the second funeral I've attended this week, we'll put my Grandma Terry next to my Grandpa and go on living our lives just like before. However, I already can see the difference her absence will bring. There are remnants all over my house from my wonderful grandma. I have a stack of large chocolate bars in in the kitchen, dates in the cupboard, Almond Roca in the freezer, animal crackers in the pantry, a sewing machine and all that is required to use it, a quilt in Tayler's room, two beautiful newly made fleece blankets in the guest bedroom, fleece in the closet intended to make blankets for future babies, fleece hats and gloves for Tayler this year, a one dollar bill in Tayler's piggy bank from Christmas last year, and a bear in the toy box. There will be no more chocolate covered nuts at Christmas, no cookies that I have to pretend to like, no more "tours" of the fleece in her home, no more ten dollars bills wrapped around a treat for gifts, no more chocolate almond ice cream, no more hand made gifts, no more stories of how she met and fell in love with Grandpa, no more watching arthritic hands moving effortlessly on the piano keys, no more testimony born through the small and simple words and deeds.
But even better, there will be no more sleepless nights being angry and heartbroken that grandpa left first, no sleeping alone. I would like to see their reunion some day if possible. I hope that I grow to love Loren as much as my grandma loved my grandpa. He still called her "baby" until the day he didn't recognize her anymore... she still called him "sweetheart." That is why life is worth living, worth dying. Because of people like her, our spirits are allowed to grow. We are loved and have given love and in the end that is all that matters. When I die, I hope that I will go out just like she did, with a crowd of people cheering for me to come home, and a crowd sick to see me go. I love you Grandma, and thank you, really.... you will never know how much you have influenced my life.